| | I received the following email from a friend who INSISTED we combine her son's birthday party and mine at my mom's house.
I'm afraid we are going to have to cancel the birthday party, Herson got his feelings hurt to the point he doesn't want to be around anyone. In his foods class some of the kids (N included) were making fun of Herson's acne. Herson said that he wasn't sure N made the jokes but he sure was laughing with the rest of them which made Herson upset because he thought he and N were friends. Herson asked if we could just stay home and have a movie night or game night or something for his birthday. I'm a little heartbroken about this. I never thought he's be this upset to cancel his own party.
I replied:
I asked N for his version of this event and he had No Clue. He
doesn't remember anything like this happening, and thinks it really
sucks. I suspect his nose was in a book, and if he did laugh, it was
at something unrelated.
I said "I hope that you're the kid who would say 'hey stop that.' But I
have to admit I was too chicken at your age to do that." He said that
he thinks he's that person, but that he certainly is NOT the person to
encourage bullying. Of course, A had to walk in on our
conversation and ask what was going on, so I said "Some kids were
picking on Herson for his zits." A didn't even wait for any more,
and was incredibly upset on Herson's behalf. I think his exact words
were "Well that's not his fault!"
I'm very sorry to hear that Herson was so hurt. That's why I hated
Middle School. Of course, mine was being among the last to "develop"
and still having baby pudge but still, whatever anyone can find to pick
on ....
Encourage him to not take it personally. He's a good (and
good-looking) kid. We all know that. When his hormones settle down,
he'll probably know it too.
M
Saturday, N spent some time with 2 other boys in this foods class, CM and TW, so he asked them if they remember what happened. CM remembers a boy Z starting it, CM joined in, and TW said "oh stop it." CM stopped, Z kept on, and N was reading a book and facing the other way. This fits what I know of these boys' personalities. TW is often picked on anyway, so he's not afraid to risk riducule to stand up for someone. Of course Herson also thinks TW doesn't like him.
While N was off having this conversation, I received the following reply:
Herson said that N isn't telling u the truth, he very well was in the middle of it and h
Yes, it cuts off like that. Unsigned and everything.
My reply?
If our sons are going to call each other liars, I don't want to have a combined party, either.
I've sent her a couple unrelated emails and gotten very terse responses, but I'm trying to press that just because 12-year-olds had a misunderstanding shouldn't mean that their parents can't have a friendly relationship. For the past year, this woman has ingrained herself into nearly every part of my life, including nagging me to ask my boss if we can hire her (there hasn't been an opening in that time.) She has combined my birthday with Herson and my mom's with Herdaughter. Her children call my mother "grandma" and Herfamily spends more time at my mother's house than I do. In fact, in the past 3 months,  and I have taken to staying home when we know Herfamily is there because there's always drama.
There -is- legitimate drama in her life. Herbaby was born with heart problems and had a scary start. Her husband has just found out he won't have a job once January rolls around (closing the local branch) and her own family has a very volatile relationship.
But she creates so much of her own drama. Last year Herson's party (which was to be combined with mine) got cancelled because the 4 children together damaged some furniture in my house. I told her I thought she was over-reacting. Yes, I was certainly upset that the furniture got damaged. I was annoyed that we got 4 slightly different stories out of the 4 children. But Herson told his dad the day after it happened because he thought it was probably the wrong thing to do. 3 of the 4 children claimed that Herson said they should stop and "won't your mom mind?" while my 2 children said, "nah, it's OK." It seems to me that Herson was the most responsible of the bunch and shouldn't have lost his birthday. But it's Herfamily and her decision so it was dropped. Why does it surprise her so much now that he's ready to dump his party? Did he actually say it or did she plant the idea in his head?
She takes everything that happens so personally but gets annoyed if someone misinterprets what she says. I'm tired of it.
As I told my boys, "I'm not holding a grudge and I don't hate her. I just don't have the energy to deal with them just now." Just how long with 'just now' last?
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| | Posted 8/25/2008 8:43 AM - 22 Views - 2 eProps - 1 Comment
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